What’s all the fuss about some Derek Jeter guy hitting 3,000 baseballs?

I mean, that’s cool and all, but not in comparison with another slugger and eight-plus FIV+ cats.

If there’s one thing selling out faster than tickets to a Yankees home game this summer, it would be Tabby’s Place cats – with bonus points if the cats happen to be FIV+ and/or enormous.

You shouldn’t wait until the seventh inning stretch to get your vegan chili dogs, and apparently you shouldn’t wait any longer than 14 seconds to meet the cat you’ve had your eye on. That happened to a certain friend of this blog recently. Let her tale be a warning to us all: she who hesitates gets her heart slugged.

This particular reader, a softie for orinch puffs, was quite besotted with our largest marmalade cat. She’d not met Sluggo in person, but just knowing that he was (a) orange and (b) 250,000 23 pounds was enough for her. She loved him. She had to meet him. She would meet him. And, after arranging to take the afternoon off of work, she would meet him…today.

Or not.

It turns out Sluggo had knocked out another admirer, Tabby’s Place’s own volunteer behaviorist earlier this week. By the time our besotted reader planned her visit, Sluggo was already out of the park sanctuary. He’s been just over four days Casa Forever  now, and I hear he’s doing marvelously. I also hear he’s eating like a dainty little bird, which is hard to imagine (picture a dump truck delicately scooping up a single glass marble). Suffice to say that Sluggo’s got it goooooood.

And would-be Sluggo smooshers have got the orange cat blues.

But just like those old after-school specials, cats always offer us a lesson. Today’s moral: if you fall for a feline online, get thee to the sanctuary as fast as you can. She who hesitates…has to fall for another cat.

Fortunately, that’s not a very tall order. Think Napoleon. Think Mini-Me. Think that single glass marble. We’re talking short, easy order here.

The falling, swooning and smooshing has been the order of the day in Suite FIV this summer. We’ve talked before about the fact that FIV is not a death sentence, neither is it Big And Scary. Still, it’s spooked the majority of adopters in our eight years of being Tabby’s Place. By Jonathan’s recollection, we only adopted out 6-7 FIV+ cats total in our first 6 years.

Then we figured out a way to brainwash the entire population moohoohoohoohabwahaha people started getting savvy. Cats with FIV can live long, luscious lives, and they just so happen to be some of the nicest and smooshiest cats on the planet. Next thing we knew, Suite FIV needed a revolving door. Last year saw twelve FIV+ adoptions.

As of today, 2011 is up to eight.

Say goodbye to Mistletoe. The chunky sable sister with the big swagger has snagged her own human, and as I type this e-mail she’s braving the car ride to her forever home. Hours earlier, we’d waved off fellow FIVer Terrance…who joins recently-adopted Magnum. With apologies to the high rollers in Vegas, this all flies in the face of the safe bet. (And you thought gamblers put big bucks on things like baseball games and the Oscars. Pshaw. The real money’s on cat adoptions.) Everyone believed dainty Twix would be the next FIV+ cat outta the park. Twix may be a looker and a lover, but true love defies easy formulas. The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong…nor, it would seem, is the forever home to the stereotypically “pretty” or “adoptable.” Love finds its own formula.

And love rules.

So if you’re in love with someone furry, and you want to meet them before they’re adopted, I advise you: get in your car or submarine or teleporter. Do it today. The cat for whom you pine may be adopted tomorrow.

Yep, that applies to you too, Dobro devotees. 😉

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